You have to.....

Ever feel that everyone around you knows what you should be doing and what makes you happy? The other day, I was talking on the phone with someone and I heard a phrase a couple times. You have to go do this, you have to go see this, and you have to go to this place... You almost want to reply back, yes I will go see that movie after I finish eating this bag of cheetos while I watch this porno with your parents as the feature. You should only be creeped out with that if it is your sister/brother that you are speaking.


As you go on throughout the day keep this in the back of your mind, there are plenty of people that think they know you. They usually want to encourage you to do something that they are doing. Why is this? Why does everyone want you to be a sheep and follow their steps? Is it because they want to share the experience? Or is it a self satisfying feeling of talking about the encounter/trip/movie. Now that I think about this, I did tell people to go visit Gettysburg after I returned from my recent vacation. This makes me guilty as everyone else. Feel free to eat some cheetos and watch some porn if you like. What is it that makes us want others to experience that movie, destination or activity that we have experienced?

I also think that you can hear the "You have to" from certain people and it will not phase you. For example, if you are told by your wife/girlfriend that you have to do something, you will give the yes dear response and mutter "Fuck, why do I have to trim the hedges" as you do what is asked. Or you can be asked by that hot neighbor and you are all smiles "Yes, I will trim the hedges while you bend over doing yard work!!" However, if you hear it from another person and you get the instant feeling that you want to take a shit on the windshield of their car and wipe your ass on their car seats and afterwards continue with your daily actives which usually consist of watching porn and eating cheetos( is it wrong?).

I think we need to make a new law in regards to people who over use "You have to". First, let me say that there are people out there with taste. There are some people that have told me that I have to see Boondock Saints or I have to see Reservoir Dogs or I have to see 10 minutes of Chuck and Larry (Jessica Biel... so Hot, want to touch the hiney). I think everyone should be able to give out a card. It is almost like a credit card in your wallet and it lists your credentials. Before you utter the phrase "You have to", you have to pull the card out and give it to your intended target. They can either let you continue or tell you to go get fucked by an ape with an enlarged penis. For example, I pull out my card and it says sports - Cubs, ND, Bears, Blackhawks, and Bulls Movies - Rambo, Boondock Saints, A Few Good Men, JFK, Goodfellas and various other interests.

If this code works and it is enforced, we now need to come up with punishments for the crime. Oh trust me, I can think up of some good punishments. My first choice would be locking the person in a room that has "shadow dancing" by Andy Gibb being played continuously on repeat at maximum volume for two days. The only food they are given is prune juice and stale oyster crackers while they are shown still photos of various Orientals taking pictures in front of local non-important areas. For example, ever see that oriental taking a picture of him standing in front of a Dominick’s and you think to yourself.... WHY???

If you want this rule enforced come up with your own punishment for these jagbags. However, keep in mind that it could be you listening to Andy Gibb.